i really love knowing that i’m absorbing things with my eyes. i love going up these stairs and knowing, “every time i go up these stairs, i have the same trickling nervousness and anxiety and impatience to go somewhere i call home,” or waiting at this bus stop and smelling the unwillingness and detest of going history class (and the unforgivable bitterness in my heart!),
or walking under the trees by your place and thinking, “i really only know the shadow of these branches because i visited you at night” and walking under the trees by my place and knowing how the sun strikes them as light green in the morning, olive at evening, tired at afternoon, loud after studying
and i really love knowing that i will remember these watercolored dreams next year when i walk around with friends, and years after that when i visit again, and these recollections will strike and sting my nose, the tea leaves who never really settled down and were never forgotten, the unstirred chocolate at the bottom of a mug of hot cocoa
all i wanna do is study and worship
this spring will be the spring of short haircuts, baggy t shirts, flat sneakers, and hair ties.
i will not exist every thursday, with the exception of calculus class. thursdays, i will not leave my room or see friends or people, i am giving up my thursdays. this semester, thursdays do not belong to people