some days i just feel like wearing pink lace and spending psych class looking up pictures of dandelions and sharks, and saying the phrase “fuck it, where’s my shit” without meaning it, and listening to folk music
i’ve been having a good week
i really love knowing that i’m absorbing things with my eyes. i love going up these stairs and knowing, “every time i go up these stairs, i have the same trickling nervousness and anxiety and impatience to go somewhere i call home,” or waiting at this bus stop and smelling the unwillingness and detest of going history class (and the unforgivable bitterness in my heart!),
or walking under the trees by your place and thinking, “i really only know the shadow of these branches because i visited you at night” and walking under the trees by my place and knowing how the sun strikes them as light green in the morning, olive at evening, tired at afternoon, loud after studying
and i really love knowing that i will remember these watercolored dreams next year when i walk around with friends, and years after that when i visit again, and these recollections will strike and sting my nose, the tea leaves who never really settled down and were never forgotten, the unstirred chocolate at the bottom of a mug of hot cocoa
all i wanna do is study and worship
i sang so many songs by the beatles today my throat is the most loving kind of sore and scratched.
he asked me what my favorite song by the beatles was. i just deal really badly with songs about romance that saves the world. love is not all i need, thank you very much.
regardless, i’m surprised at how well i actually knew a good portion of the songs. for someone so against the song lyrics, i kind of had way too much fun. i’m not actually so extremely “anti,” i’d do it again, and again, and again, especially if it results in friendships with these guys.
this spring will be the spring of short haircuts, baggy t shirts, flat sneakers, and hair ties. i will not exist every thursday, with the exception of calculus class. thursdays, i will not leave my room or see friends or people, i am giving up my thursdays. this semester, thursdays do not belong to people
i’m quiet
have my father braid my hair, call a boy on the phone and talk about babies, art, and friendship, pack my things for a couple days of worship, and pet my cat
