appreciate

i just don’t want to be a child anymore and i want to grow up in love

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sometimes i wonder if i’ve become too insensitive to things. i used to think it was a great defense mechanism to go ahead and indulge myself in research of the things that should not exist, the disgusting and lewd, so as to learn “what the world is really like” and to just get used to it.

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i wonder how much about “life” i’ve learned from that process, question mark?

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Marilyn Manson had two of his ribs removed so he could suck his own penis.

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this was a topic of discussion during lunch today, primarily led by me and melissa. this is probably the pinnacle of what i’ve learned in the past couple years of my life.

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defense mechanisms, man, those are so useless, i have nothing inside of myself to defend

Today, I tripped and fell down onto my knees and hands in front of at least thirty students and thirty parents. From on the stage, to off the stage. Anyway, the cool part of this story comes from when several friends came to help me immediately. I wish I could make more jokes about my bad reputation among strangers, but the point of this post is mostly to talk about how gracious some people are, and I’m using the word “gracious” on purpose. So thank you, thank you, thank you for reaching out and laughing with me as I recovered with such a face that resembled the ugliest and happiest jackal alive.

I learned recently that the best way I can express my gratitude and give thanks to my friends is to hope, to ask that something “may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know better,”

to “be enlightened so you may know the hope.”

What I’m getting at is that not only do I want to express that because I’m so grateful for my friends, I’m hoping! I am hoping that we will all become so much wiser. And hope is powerful, because one day this hope alone will stitch us all back together into one beautiful arm.

ps: jackals are monogamous !